How to Talk to People You Don't Agree With

Choose to bring a different communication paradigm to the relationship.


How do I communicate with someone who is drastically different in their beliefs and opinions? originally appeared on Quora, the place to gain and share knowledge, empowering people to learn from others and better understand the world.

Instead of feeling irritated or confused, choose to bring a different communication paradigm to the relationship. Interact without bringing your beliefs or opinions and begin having 1-way conversations to learn more about why they believe how they do. No need to bring your own stories, values, or ideas — especially if they have a history of not listening to you. Depersonalize the interaction and accept that they have an entirely different worldview and accept that that’s their choice. When it comes to working together, or the time is right for you to bring in your opinions, be transparent about how your views are different without adding in emotion, as best you can. Suspend the need to be competitive or engage in a debate. Here are some sentence starters to express your position depending on what’s at stake in the relationship:

Low stake: I hear your words and the feelings inside of them. I don’t see it that way. I don’t share your perspective. My values say xxx, and that’s why I operate with xxx.

Medium stake: I disagree with you, however I appreciate the tension that it brings to our relationship, so I ask that we continue asking questions that hopefully will land us in a better place. I believe xxx.

High Stake: This is very awkward and hard because I care about you. When your language and perspective are rooted in your false information, I cannot participate. If you want to explore a different story with me sometime, where we choose to be curious rather than certain, then I am all in.

This question originally appeared on Quora.

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