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An Idiot Abroad—Which Nation or Religion will Trump offend?

Five Stops, Four Countries, Three Religions.
Will the reputation of the United States survive a Donald Trump World-Tour?


The purpose of this mission is to “reaffirm America’s global leadership” and to “deliver a message of unity”…

How can this be achieved when the White House and Washington seem to be imploding and devolving into infighting factions and opposing sides, some aiming to prosecute the President and his corrupt underlings for their dodgy dealings…

Most embarrassingly, the rumours are already floating that the leaders will use a playbook that has been tried and tested by visiting foreign leaders so far; complement, flatter, keep it short. His ego is fragile, and needs to be nurtured. Congratulate him endlessly on his “victory”, let him win at golf, pretend you appreciate his wise words and your country gets the United States backing!

Other commentators are joking that Donald and Co. Will not be returning from the Middle East, as this is their best chance to find a non-extradition-treaty nation to flee to as the Russia-Trump and Flynn probes intensify, if Flynn goes missing, Edward Snowden may get a new friend and neighbour!

Donald Trump’s regime has not appeared to be a great friend of Islam, with their infamous attempts at a “Muslim Ban” still continuing, anti Islamic appointees in his upper ranks and many overt racists and white supremacists leading his regime, is it possible for them to visit the Holy Land’s of the three Abrahamic Faiths without causing offence or injury?

First stop is in Saudi Arabia, where the Kingdom has prepared quite a “boring” meal compared to the sumptuous feast of national dishes and regional cuisine laid out for Barack Obama. If not a joke the Kingdom has announced that Donald’s ‘favourite meal’, an overcooked steak drowned in ketchup will be served for the Clown-King… Two scoops of ice-cream too? Don’t tell him it’s Halal, he won’t notice!

Saudi Aramco have pre-announced a $50 Billion dollar group of deals with the United States, coinciding with Donald’s arrival…

Afterwards, it’s time to visit the ally which Trump recently burned quite harshly, revealing the existence of a valuable anti-terror asset or assets directly involved against Isis in Syria, and potentially some who are surveilling or infiltrating Hizbollah, too.

When Donald met the Russians in the Oval Office, he leaked very sensitive data to their foreign Minister and the Ambassador to the United States, Sergey Kisylak.

Russia's most eligible Bachelor, 2017

Russia's most eligible Bachelor, 2017

The nature of the data and specifics may have threatened an Israeli spy or three; there are many jokes online about “Mossad taking their complaint direct to the President” and other such humour, it is doubtful that the Israelis will bring anything up during a state visit, but it is terrible timing… He still has time to make another on-air Gaffe or “vaguely anti-Semitic-sounding-statement”, we believe in you!

Trump is meeting the P.M. Benjamin Netanyahu and his wife Sara, and later on the leader of the Palestinian Authority Mahmoud Abass as well as some of the most sacred holy sites in Jerusalem. Plenty of chances here for an international incident or three…

The explosion of the Marine Corps building in Beirut, Lebanon on October 23, 1983 created a large cloud of smoke that was visible from miles away
Aftermath of the last major Hizbollah attack on the United States

The explosion of the Marine Corps building in Beirut, Lebanon on October 23, 1983 created a large cloud of smoke that was visible from miles away
Aftermath of the last major Hizbollah attack on the United States

Rumoured intelligence suggests that Hizbollah themselves will be trying to join in—an “Elite Unit” of the terrorist group has rushed to Lebanon’s southern border with Israel, though it is highly unlikely they will actually act or attempt any attack on the United States leaders, it is an interesting move to make…

Next stop is Italy, where Trump will visit the Vatican and meet the Pope, ideally in a public setting though in private, the Pope may be one person that the Donald pays attention to… Doubtful, but we can still hope…

Afterwards he's travelling to Silvio’s Biggest Ever Bunga-Bunga party, which will be terrific for everyone. That’s what his advisers have said, nobody tell him he’s actually meeting the President, Sergio Mattarella who doesn’t enjoy cocaine and naked underage models quite as much as the previous leader…

Sorry Donald, you missed out on the Bunga Bunga...

Sorry Donald, you missed out on the Bunga Bunga...

The next dangerous meeting is going to be in Belgium; the NATO Leaders Meeting. Trump has been more critical of NATO than he has been to Putin, Kim Jong-Un, Erdogan and many other awful human beings. Putin has been trying to break up NATO since he took power in Russia, and this President is the most anti-NATO he has ever bought.

Most of the Russia-controlled elections recently have ensured that anti-NATO demagogues and nationalist or isolationist leaders win. In France, there was almost a shock when Macron won over Le Pen; Putin’s favourite candidate. This meeting has great potential for issues if Donald Trump isn’t kept on a tight leash. Let the military speak, do not complain. NATO is needed more than ever right now, and complaining about the “cost” does not achieve anything except make Vladimir Putin sleep easier at night.

G20 Meeting, Macron is far-left in this pic...

G20 Meeting, Macron is far-left in this pic...

The final stop will be the Group of 7 Summit in Sicily, now Donald will be tired from all the travel and strange-beds… I predict this is the most likely spot for a diplomatic incident. The only question is, how big of an incident will it be? Slight bruising, or open war… Anything is possible… Fortunately most of the leaders have met or interacted with Trump so far, and they know exactly what to expect. Russia is not invited yet again, as they are still illegally occupying Crimea and conducting war in the Ukraine. One less chance for him to offend his master?

"Mu, huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu hahahaah hohohoho *coughs*" /rubs hands/

"Mu, huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu hahahaah hohohoho *coughs*" /rubs hands/

Donald Trump has already complained about the length of the trip—9 days—away from his beloved Floridian and other Golf Courses. And his youngest son Barron Trump, not just golf.

In his current fragile state, it is hard to see this trip going well. Feeling attacked from all sides, will Trump take this as a welcome ‘holiday’ from domestic issues? Or will he feel even more isolated, away from his beloved gold toilet and Mar-A-Lago retreat…

"Mara... Marrrraaaaaaaa" "Bring back sheriff Lago"

"Mara... Marrrraaaaaaaa" "Bring back sheriff Lago"

We can only watch, and hope that all goes well… Most of the leaders at the beginning of the trip are more ‘dangerous’ as they have not met Trump and may not know his childlike naiveté, and the G7 Leaders are mostly experienced diplomats that have already seen his toddler-like behaviour, Merkel is probably already getting her hand ready for that shake; he certainly owes her one.

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"AND STAY OUT!"

"AND STAY OUT!"