How do I make myself more useful to the people that I care about? originally appeared on Quora, the place to gain and share knowledge, empowering people to learn from others and better understand the world. You can follow Quora on Twitter, Facebook, and Google Plus.

Have you heard of the term "codependency"? It is defined as needing another person for things you should be able to do for yourself.

Codependency is unhealthy and suffocates relationships. Some common symptoms of a relationship that can be considered codependent are needing another person's approval to feel happiness, a sense that you would be unable to survive the loss of the person you are in a relationship with, and constantly feeling anxious, needy, clingy.

Trying to "make yourself useful" to the people that you love can easily become an inability to feel worthy of love if you are not doing something that others find valuable.

Except, you are valuable just because you exist.

To me the best way to lighten the load inherent to any relationship is to make myself as buoyant as possible, removing the burden and the friction that I bring to my interactions with others.

Here are a few examples:

I communicate as clearly as I can. As positively terrifying as it might be, I express what I am feeling. ("I have a crush on you", "I am angry at you", "I want something specific from you.") I avoid irony, sarcasm and being passive aggressive. I avoid saying one thing and meaning another.

I exercise empathy. I try with all my heart to put myself in the other person's shoes. I assume the other person has the best of intentions, and that he (or she) is doing the best he can. This is the antidote to selfishness, to pettiness and to taking things personally.

I look at myself. Where am I really coming from? What exactly is making me angry? Is, for example, my anger coming from my past experiences? Can you imagine how much lighter my interactions would be if I could own my own stuff in every one of these interactions?

I look at my expectations. If I am sad because I expected you to call me but did not say "I would love it if you would call me", who is to blame? If I am disappointed because you never buy me flowers, why am I longing for you to read my mind? If you think it's romantic for another to anticipate your needs, imagine what it's like to be in a relationship with someone you want to please but don't know how.

I take care of myself. I understand humans need others, and I think that is beautiful. But, where is the line between you and I lovingly keeping an eye out for each other and me relying on you for things I should do for myself? It's like heavily leaning on someone who is trying to remain afloat in choppy waters and drowning you both. Be a strong swimmer.

I take care of my emotions. Look, I am a complicated person. I listen all day to a storm of chatter inside my head. I want conflicting things at the exact same time. I experience strong rushes of feeling several times a day. I take care to not set all my emotions on anyone. Being with someone moody, demanding, mercurial, is exhausting. I recognize when I need to put myself away.

Healthy. I want healthy. I don't want conflict, I don't want drama, I don't want anyone trying to control me or to feel like I have to control the person that I love. Instead I trust. I trust myself. I trust that I am worth loving.

I don't lose myself. I am a person of extremes. I have a tendency - in everything, not just in love - to be either not interested or all in. I have to be careful that we don't "become one". I am my own person, have my opinions and my interests, and so should you.

I don't really know if all these things actually contribute to making me more useful to the people that I care about.

I do know that the more closely I follow them, the happier I become.

This question originally appeared on Quora. More questions on Quora:

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