What’s the first step someone can take to choose emotional freedom over limiting stories when they experience a setback? originally appeared on Quora, the place to gain and share knowledge, empowering people to learn from others and better understand the world.

Stop seeing things as setbacks! Everything can be seen as an opportunity to grow, change, shift, and rise. Everything. My mother died when I was 24 and left me to adopt my 9 year old brother. I was just starting my law career and I could have seen adopting my brother as a setback. It wasn’t easy learning to be a lawyer and a mom at the same time. But, I saw my unique circumstance as a gift. I did the best I could and learned along the way. And as it turns out, raising my brother was on of the very best things I ever did. I didn’t end up having children of my own, so being my brother’s mother was my chance to be a mom.

When we find the silver lining in what happens, we flip the script on our story. It makes your story serve you, instead of you serving your story. It’s about tapping into the joy or something good that happened because of what you went through. That was such a beautiful part of my healing. One of the most powerful things I did was tap into gratitude for everything that happened and who I became because of it.

And here’s the truth, story creation, and the negativity that comes with it, is sadly the default mindset for most of us. Me included! I’m a fixer and a people pleaser by default. Healing is never a one and done. There will always be “setbacks”. But for those of us who know how to tap into self-awareness, to shift into the thinking brain, finding compassion and truth, we can see those happenings as opportunities for growth.

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