How can I improve my curiosity and use it as a tool to improve my relationships at work? originally appeared on Quora, the place to gain and share knowledge, empowering people to learn from others and better understand the world.

How can I improve my curiosity and use it as a tool to improve my relationships at work?

a) Show Up as an Explorer (be interested to see, learn, and understand new ideas). First, stop asking questions. That’s right, curiosity doesn’t start with questions. Curiosity is an energy that fuels communication and begins long before words leave your mouth. Choose to show up as someone who is eager to learn and connect. Invest in understanding their perspective at a different level by being open to what’s important to them.

b) Have a 1-way Conversation. Most of us have been taught that conversations are a ping pong game, which can easily turn unconsciously competitive. You say something. I say something back that shows how I relate and matter. You respond back with words that show how you relate and matter. Restructure this “one-upmanship” type of conversation into a more substantive dialogue by leading with curiosity and staying curious. Don’t jump in with your own ideas, stories, knowledge, or opinions. Keep asking questions that are open-ended and follow their energy. Listen for words that light them up or shut them down.

c) Use Tell Me About as an Opening Question. There is a famous Jewish proverb: Words Build Worlds. They shape perspectives, relationships, and outcomes. ​​People interpret words differently depending on what they are experiencing at that moment. Tell me about is a question that opens a curious conversation in the safest of ways. Tell me about is a phrase that is malleable and simple enough to convey different tones.

· “Tell me about your weekend.”

· “Tell me what has you so angry with your manager right now.”

· “Tell me what I have done to contribute to this gap we have between us.”

When you start using this technique, it may feel awkward if you were accustomed to a two-way conversation, filling silence with your own thoughts. As you sharpen your skills, it will feel more natural.

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