How can I avoid or call out subtle racial and sexist microaggressions in my mostly-white, mostly-male IT workplace? originally appeared on Quora, the place to gain and share knowledge, empowering people to learn from others and better understand the world. You can follow Quora on Twitter, Facebook, and Google Plus.

In my experience, the racist/sexist micro-aggressions I’ve experienced at work have never been done to intentionally cause any harm to myself or others, and often come from a place of ignorance. I actually see these as opportunities to create allies with the following approach:

Don’t react emotionally

When you feel disrespected or embarrassed at work, it can be incredibly difficult to keep your cool in the moment, but if you blow up and make a scene, it could wind up worse for you in the end. It’s possible to stand up for yourself in such a way that is firm and professional, without coming across as aggressive or unpredictable. Give yourself time to cool off before calling out any racial or sexist micro-aggressions so that you can be sure the message is being received in the best possible way. It can be hard for people to accept that they’ve caused emotional harm to someone else, especially in the workplace so if you can be mindful of that, it will go a long way towards fostering a more ‘woke’ colleague and a healthier relationship with them.

Foster a constructive dialogue

By creating a constructive dialogue around the experience, you give them a chance to realize they made a mistake, realize they hurt you in some way, maybe make amends, and learn how to prevent it from happening in the future. I also firmly believe in praising in public while “reprimanding” in private. If someone slights you at work, don’t make a scene and call them out in front of everyone—even if that’s how it unfolded. Pull them to the side afterwards, and speak with them in private. It will be awkward for you both, so despite you feeling pain and likely wanting to inflict some in return, you will do everyone else who could have been in your shoes a big favor by broaching the subject maturely and professionally.

Seek to understand intent

Empathy is the key to strengthening relationships. Ten people can communicate the same thing in 10 different ways, and everyone may not be as good with your words (or your language) as you are, so it’s important to factor that in before deciding how to react. What they meant may actually delight you, but perhaps they delivered it in an awkward way. I’ve misspoken plenty of times in ways that have been unintentionally hurtful towards others, and when given the opportunity to explain myself, I was very happy to clear the air and state my thoughts in a different way. Without that opportunity, I could have been secretly judged for life and treated in such a way that isn’t indicative of how I try to come across to others. I wouldn’t want that done to me, so I try to go through the effort of asking questions when I feel confused or hurt by something someone says or does by confirming that they a) realized they hurt me, and b) actually meant to do harm. It’s likely that they will appreciate the opportunity.

Provide context

As I said, my experience is that micro-aggressions are typically borne of ignorance. I can’t expect everyone to know all of my life experiences and what things might trigger a particularly sensitive response in me, so I assume the responsibility of educating them if/when the moment arises. Sometimes, people may even say things or communicate something in a way that they thought was benign, but may have been received as malicious. If they aren’t aware that there is a problem in the first place, they are not able to address it, so share those experiences and perspectives to help them see the world through your eyes. Enlighten them.

This question originally appeared on Quora. More questions on Quora:

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