How can a young guy in his early 20s who hasn't had much success with women develop greater confidence? What do you recommend? originally appeared on Quora, the place to gain and share knowledge, empowering people to learn from others and better understand the world. You can follow Quora on Twitter, Facebook, and Google Plus.

You want confidence?

Set all those women you have not had success with aside. You have to start with you.

Ready?

​Create or refine your boundaries​. Who are you, and how are you different from "we"? What do you want, and how is that different from what others want for you? What do you really want to do, and who will that disappoint?​ When do you have trouble saying no, and why?

Now, go disappoint the people who love you. Go learn how to say no.

Get to know the stranger who lives inside of you​. Who is he? Which parts of him surprise you? When was the last time he did something unexpected?

Realize how totally cool he is. Learn to love him. He goes first.

This exploration will take the rest of your life.

​Create a habit. Do a little bit of something every day. Watch a small thing you do every day become a big thing that defines you.

Set a goal​, ideally something almost implausible. Run a marathon. Complete a race. Extra points if in doing this you get super healthy and fit.

​Get your stuff together​. This means different things to different people. In what places are you a mess? Get a filing cabinet. Get your finances in order. Do your laundry. Fold your clothes. Make your bed. Be reliable. Be the person your friends count on.

Step into the fact that you are responsible for yourself and that if you want your life to run, you have to be the one who runs it.

Make a list of things that scare you​. I don't mean something that puts you in real danger, like walking down a dark alley in the middle of the night. I mean applying for a job you are not sure you can do. Telling someone how you feel. Facing an awkward situation and navigating its complexities.

Then systematically go through the list and check it off.

Face every single fear you've ever had. Make another list. Do it again.

​Make a list of things you don’t think you can do​. Rock climbing. Traveling alone. Dancing. Whatever.

Then, systematically go through the list and check it off.

This will often include taking classes, practicing, getting someone to teach you. Go figure it out.

​Get your ass kicked. Fail. ​Don't meet that goal. Fall off the wagon when it comes to that habit you wanted to create. Be rejected from that job you applied to.

Now, get up.

See? You can get up.

Get back on that wagon.

Travel​. Travel is an exercise in resourcefulness. It opens your mind. It grants you a point of view. It changes you. It's the world, for you. Go get it.​

This question originally appeared on Quora. More questions on Quora:

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